It SHOULD be the most wonderful time of the year...

SO much bad has happened this year, that it's my first Christmas with my kids that I actually wish it was already over. Since the kids were born I was ALL about decorating, wrapping gifts and all that fun stuff. But this year, its just different. First and mostly, I miss my Granny. She became an angel this past summer and I truly wish she didn't have to leave us. But God had a plan and it was meant to be. But the selfish part of me wants her to be here with us. It's just hard to deal with at time. We have chose to have a "credit free" Christmas this year. That means, no using credit cards to pay for ANYTHING this year. Oh My. It is HARD. I never really noticed how much I used them till you make that choice not to. It will be worth it in the end though. I just can't wait till they are all gone for good and we can STAY out of debt for good! I was watching the Charlie Brown Christmas with the library classes the other day and realized I feel EXACTLY like Charlie Brown. Lucy made a good point about getting involved, but I have NO idea what I would do to be involved. I'm involved in my kids school but not with anything to do for Christmas. I keep having to remind myself about the REAL REASON FOR CHRISTMAS! I'm ready to get rid of our tree and lights on the house. I'm done with it all. Why can't I just enjoy this season? Why can't I just keep all the bad/negative stuff behind me?? The only thing I know to do is Pray. I need God to help me. He's the only person that can really help me. Its just actually taking the time to Pray before I pass out at night or take time during my crazy busy day to just talk to him about whats going on. WHy is that hard to do? Im too much about getting things done, like NOW. I rush and feel crazy if things don't get done with I feel they need to get done. UGH. Theres so much more stuff going on in my head I cant even get it all out. Man I need to blog more. lol

Hoping for some change

So I've been slacking on my daily mom challenges again. I've read them off my list, but haven't really put them into practice in my life. I really don't know why it's so hard?! I feel overwhelmed most days. And I keep feeling like a complete failure as a mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter.......

I got a book at church at the beginning of Lent, & you guessed it, I'm just now starting it. :/ This is my fav sentence, "There's plenty of Lent left in front of me to work on that kind of transformation in my life." That transformation to me is getting rid of some bad things in my life & letting some new & good things stay & come into my life.
I am SO not a perfect person. I'm not a perfect Catholic. I'm still learning what I believe and what I want in my life. It's hard figuring this out with 2 kids driving me crazy. Even when I have my "mommy time" I still can't figure it out. My mind just RESTS. I go to the park & just enjoy the Quiet. It's a luxury anymore to have some quiet time lol

I pray God intervenes in my life & those of you who read this. I hope we can figure out what we want in our lives & be the person who God wants us to be.

It's the 3rd week of Lent. 2 more weeks :)

Feeling judged sucks...

I never let it bother me until today. I totally forgot to get dishwasher detergent at Walmart while kids were in school so I took them with me. Emma wore her CUTE school uniform jumper today & to add more cuteness she even had the pigtails :) As we were walking through the store, I noticed several people doing the "double look." Like they see her, look away then turn back & stare. And while staring u can totally see disapproval. Really. I wanted to smack one lady bc she actually VOICED her opinion to her husband....'that poor child must go to that CATHOLIC school.' Ummm really??? It's a better school than ANY school in this area. To refrain from voicing my own opinion, we took a detour to the cleaning supplies.
Only in the checkout line was a little old lady who came behind us & said Emma had beautiful eyes. She said, she looked so precious. :) I'm glad she was not judgmental bc it made me feel better. I didn't feel so upset.

Since becoming Catholic myself, I have realized that people judge bc they just don't understand & most of the time they don't want to. They just want to go on with life & never change & never learn anything new. I'm so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone in life & did some learning. It just makes sense. I feel like a better person now, than before. But I will never judge someone for what they believe in again & my kids are goin to learn this too! It's just not worth arguing over. God loves us all & that's all that matters :)

Just feelin crappy

Well my daily mom challenges are not going well. I never did well with not yelling at my kids. I yell at them daily. I even do it when it's nothing to yell at them about! I'm frustrated. I'm annoyed. I just feel like a CRAPPY mom. Why is it SO hard to not yell at my kids?
It's a BEAUTIFUL day & I just feel like crap. :/

Daily Mom Challenge

Today's challenge is, I will not yell at my kids today. So far so good & the day is half way over! Biggest challenge is after school. They are usually bursting with energy & don't listen to me.....Wish me luck! :)

Success!

I was successful with my mom challenge yesterday!! When we got home from school we changed clothes, went to Nana & Popaws house, rode bikes, played on the tire swing, threw sticks in the creek & followed them, played in sandbox & the kids played in our little pond...

Total FAIL...

I totally failed on my mom challenge yesterday. I stayed on my phone to keep my sanity. Emma didn't mind. She didn't feel great so she just sat on my lap while I explored Pintrest, checked twitter & Facebook & ordered some of Codys bday decor with free shipping! Oh & we also played Angry Birds & Pirate Fleet.
I hate how my phone has become a big part of my life. I can't totally give it up but I need to stop depending on it so much. So I've decided I'm going to spend the day with my kids after school today. No playing on my phone! I will have it for taking cute pics but that's it!! My kids are more important than games & responding to tweets or comments!!!