It SHOULD be the most wonderful time of the year...

SO much bad has happened this year, that it's my first Christmas with my kids that I actually wish it was already over. Since the kids were born I was ALL about decorating, wrapping gifts and all that fun stuff. But this year, its just different. First and mostly, I miss my Granny. She became an angel this past summer and I truly wish she didn't have to leave us. But God had a plan and it was meant to be. But the selfish part of me wants her to be here with us. It's just hard to deal with at time. We have chose to have a "credit free" Christmas this year. That means, no using credit cards to pay for ANYTHING this year. Oh My. It is HARD. I never really noticed how much I used them till you make that choice not to. It will be worth it in the end though. I just can't wait till they are all gone for good and we can STAY out of debt for good! I was watching the Charlie Brown Christmas with the library classes the other day and realized I feel EXACTLY like Charlie Brown. Lucy made a good point about getting involved, but I have NO idea what I would do to be involved. I'm involved in my kids school but not with anything to do for Christmas. I keep having to remind myself about the REAL REASON FOR CHRISTMAS! I'm ready to get rid of our tree and lights on the house. I'm done with it all. Why can't I just enjoy this season? Why can't I just keep all the bad/negative stuff behind me?? The only thing I know to do is Pray. I need God to help me. He's the only person that can really help me. Its just actually taking the time to Pray before I pass out at night or take time during my crazy busy day to just talk to him about whats going on. WHy is that hard to do? Im too much about getting things done, like NOW. I rush and feel crazy if things don't get done with I feel they need to get done. UGH. Theres so much more stuff going on in my head I cant even get it all out. Man I need to blog more. lol