Parenting Lesson . ...

I have learned to choose my battles. I learn this almost daily....
I don't care how the dishwasher is filled, just do it.
I don't care how the towels are folded, just do it.
I don't care how you fold your clothes, socks, underwear, just do it.
I don't care how you clean up the mess you made....anywhere... just do it.

I used to think everything had to be done a certain way, because that's what I was taught. I stress & get overwhelmed on how things are done. There are no set in stone rules people!!!
LET IT GO. BE FREE OF THIS!! 

I have let soo much go with my kids & let them learn HOW to do things on their own & it's been amazing. Of course, I still stress over things but I let them ask for help...most of the time lol

My 2018 Firsts!

So much good, bad, ugly, pretty, and emotional..... STUFF happened in 2018. I'm glad it's all over. I learned A LOT about myself and other people.

But my favorite thing I did for myself was I kept track of all my 1sts. I stepped out of my comfort zone and did some pretty brave things. Well, at least brave to me ;)

Here's my list...

Train Ride
Traveling Alone
Visiting Wisconsin
Experiencing a Wisconsin Snow Storm
Drinking a Bloody Mary (Gross)
Eating a Reuben (YUMMM)
Driving to Cincinnati alone with kids
Feeding a giraffe
Problem with a teacher....
E-schooling at home with Emma!
Kayaking
Feeding a camel & getting a selfie
Cooked my 1st turkey

I'm sure there were more, but these are my most memorable moments. I can't wait to see what I do this year ;)

What are your memorable firsts you did last year?!
What will be your first for this year?

School Year Changes

This school year has already been eventful. Lots of smiles, tears, frustration, busy, homework, stress, excitement, sports....

I would NOT change any of it though!

First Big thing.... Cody is a MIDDLE SCHOOLER! 6th grade! So far it has been GREAT! All the talk of how it's so different from "downstairs" (DUH) & then talk that Cody is going to struggle.... let me just say... Middle School teachers ROCK. At least they do at our school. Totally my opinion. I have talked to them all and they know about Cody and his qwerks. We have our plan in place and they have all been SO supportive and willing to work with us. Even if we didnt have the plan in place, I feel 100% in my heart that they all would STILL be supportive and willing to work with him.
I feel so Blessed this school year to have them all. Supportive teachers are A-MAZING. Open communication AMAZING as well ;)

Our other Big Change this year.
.. with Emma...
Because of issues with Cody's teacher last year, we decided to e-school Emma. It was best for our family to not have Emma in that classroom this school year. So when we decided this, I started my research. I talked to some homeschool moms and found out about K12. I saw good reviews, talked to a few people over the phone with LOTS of questions & found out it's FREE for the state of Ohio! K12 is available all over the US, but in Ohio it's Free! It's online public school.... an online charter school.
So far it has been challenging. We've had audio issues, meltdowns over MATH, bored, missing friends... but positive side, she can sleep a little longer ( I only have 1 to get ready for school in morning lol), she can stay in her PJs alllllllll day, work at her own pace, self taught music AND art classes (her fav).... and I'm sure the list will grow as the year goes on.
Her teachers have been A-Mazing as well! I have asked SO many questions and have stressed my concerns and they have been really supportive.
It's really neat how she "goes to class." They are called Class Connects. She logs on to Blackboard and they teach from there. They chat, use tools to answer questions on the "board," they do a lot of polls to answer questions and can use emojis too. Emma would rather not use them, but they can use headphones and if the teacher allows it, they can actually talk to the class. Of course Emma may never do that, but it's neat hearing other kids talk :)

I'm Blessed with all the support from family & friends. It hasn't been easy, but it's going to get easier.  Life is always a challenge & we are going to succeed! My kids are loved and are going to be AWESOME in our own way.

I'm struggling today.
I struggle everyday but today I'm struggling a lot.
Depression sucks.
I'm always so tired. Can't sleep at night.
I worry about everything. Even things that happened like days ago. They replay in my mind and I worry I didn't react right or I overreacted. And those who witnessed my reaction are totally judging me and think I'm a bad mom/friend/whatever....
I get these bursts of emotional breakdowns. And Ted & the kids are the ones who get the brunt of it. At some point I end it with crying hysterically & locking myself in the bedroom or sitting on the porch till I'm weak and just....done. Of course I then make my rounds to apologize to those I ended up yelling at...the kids are easy to forgive.....

Christmas

I love Christmas. I do. But I also hate it.
I love change. I do. But I also hate it.
My life has changed sooo much since I was my kids age. I'm sure this is what happens with everyone, but for me, I feel like it just keeps getting more and more depressing. Grandparents have passed or gotten sick, family has moved away, we don't have those family gatherings that brought soooo much happiness to my life!
Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my in laws and my parents, but I miss the crazy, crowded, family gatherings. Am I nuts?!
Probably.
It's not about the presents. Idc if I get anything. I just miss my family.

So yeah. This is my depressing Christmas post. Just needed to get it all out.
I'm hoping one day my holiday depression will just vanish and I can start new traditions and make new memories with my kids.
I've been trying extra hard this year. But that darkness has still found its way in...

If anyone actually reads this....ever...thanks for taking time to care. I hope you don't judge me.

Merry Christmas :)

Resolutions

How are you doing with your New Year Resolutions?

I only made 2.

#1
I am challenging myself to walk 300 miles in 2013. I'm at 7.54/300 right now. Not bad for my first week!

#2
Ted and I are challenging ourselves to be a better Husband and Wife for Life. We have been married for 6 years now and it's time to step things up and become closer not just with each other, but with God also. ;)

I do a lot of thinking when I go walking. Its such a stress reliever to just BE ALONE with my thoughts, whatever music I want and God. I don't get this time often so when I do, I take advantage.
I have become terrified that after January, I am going to go back to the way I was. I'm going to be lazy and unmotivated to do anything. Then I thought, NO I have people motivating me on Facebook, I have a couple friends who have asked to walk WITH me, I have my husband who is there cheering me on; I CAN DO THIS. I will be healthier!! Yes I will mess up and I may have times I wont walk much BUT as long as I get back to it, I CAN DO IT! I keep telling myself this.
My Uncle John once told me, Pain is the negative leaving your body. (I think) haha But it sounds good! I always think that when I want to stop. I always think that when I want to eat that whole jar of Butterfingers in the kitchen. I think, That's going to be A LOT of miles to walk off. Do I really want it???  No, so I hit up the fruit in the fridge.

I will be here for anyone reading this. If you need motivation, let me know. If you need prayer, a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent through text or on the phone, I'm here.

Here's to a New Year. A new Me. A new YOU.

Goodbye 2012

It's the last hours of 2012. and I can't wait to start 2013. 

2013 HAS to be a better year.

It's so quiet in my house right now. The kids are in bed, hopefully drifting off to sleep. Ted's already passed out in bed with the dogs and here I am sitting in the kitchen staring at crafts me and Emma made today. I had maybe 2 hours of sleep last night. SO why am I still up?!
It makes me feel like a bad mom, looking back on this year. I have been so depressed with all the things happening around me, I'm taking it out on myself and the kids. I don't want to be that mean mom, but then I don't want to be the mom who lets her kids run wild everywhere we go. I want them to learn manners and how to act.
I don't know what has gotten into the kids here lately, but I'm hoping it was just the hype of Christmas. They have been AWFUL. Love them to pieces but I can only take so much before I feel exhausted. I'm always exhausted anymore. From working 3 days in the library at school, to adding on workouts in the mornings and then TRYING to get motivated when I am home to clean and keep it all nice and stuff for when Ted comes home and then the kids fight/scream, hit, run...I'm one emotionally beat up momma.  I wish I could be like these other "super moms" that are all skinny and have perfect acting kids who read books already at a young age and don't run circles around them everywhere they go.

Motherhood is not for everyone. I have had my days where I just look up and ask, Really? Am I really cut out for this? Are you sure you didn't make a mistake? Because I feel like a COMPLETE failure.
I have ONE friend that I can text/talk to about anything and I know she not judging me because she feels same with me. I'm thankful for her because without her, idk sometimes.

So if anyone is reading this, please don't judge me or any other mom you see in Walmart who is looking like she wants to pull her hair out. Don't judge when our kids are running up and down the aisle and almost getting smacked with lil ole grandmas buggy. They have to learn on there own. Its truly exhausting, trying to constantly yell at them to stop doing something.

In 2013, I have a lot of changes I want to make in my life. I'm not counting on being perfect by the end of the year, but I hope to be an even better mom by then and I wish this for all my fellow moms in the world.

Happy New Year everyone