Goodbye 2012

It's the last hours of 2012. and I can't wait to start 2013. 

2013 HAS to be a better year.

It's so quiet in my house right now. The kids are in bed, hopefully drifting off to sleep. Ted's already passed out in bed with the dogs and here I am sitting in the kitchen staring at crafts me and Emma made today. I had maybe 2 hours of sleep last night. SO why am I still up?!
It makes me feel like a bad mom, looking back on this year. I have been so depressed with all the things happening around me, I'm taking it out on myself and the kids. I don't want to be that mean mom, but then I don't want to be the mom who lets her kids run wild everywhere we go. I want them to learn manners and how to act.
I don't know what has gotten into the kids here lately, but I'm hoping it was just the hype of Christmas. They have been AWFUL. Love them to pieces but I can only take so much before I feel exhausted. I'm always exhausted anymore. From working 3 days in the library at school, to adding on workouts in the mornings and then TRYING to get motivated when I am home to clean and keep it all nice and stuff for when Ted comes home and then the kids fight/scream, hit, run...I'm one emotionally beat up momma.  I wish I could be like these other "super moms" that are all skinny and have perfect acting kids who read books already at a young age and don't run circles around them everywhere they go.

Motherhood is not for everyone. I have had my days where I just look up and ask, Really? Am I really cut out for this? Are you sure you didn't make a mistake? Because I feel like a COMPLETE failure.
I have ONE friend that I can text/talk to about anything and I know she not judging me because she feels same with me. I'm thankful for her because without her, idk sometimes.

So if anyone is reading this, please don't judge me or any other mom you see in Walmart who is looking like she wants to pull her hair out. Don't judge when our kids are running up and down the aisle and almost getting smacked with lil ole grandmas buggy. They have to learn on there own. Its truly exhausting, trying to constantly yell at them to stop doing something.

In 2013, I have a lot of changes I want to make in my life. I'm not counting on being perfect by the end of the year, but I hope to be an even better mom by then and I wish this for all my fellow moms in the world.

Happy New Year everyone

It's Finally Over!

Christmas is Finally Over!! I have been waiting for it to be over since Halloween.  I dreaded the Holidays this year. They are just not the same anymore. I've come to conclusion, that I just do not like change. A lot of people won't ever confess that because it makes them look "imperfect" but I don't care to look that way. Too much drama and deaths in my family have happened over the past few years and it just sucks. I guess it's all part of growing up, and I want to be 5 years old again, without a care in the world except for my books and toys. haha Yeah Right. I wish.

I guess now that I am acknowledging the fact that I need a change, I'm going to do something about it in 2013. With my family I have left and my friends, I will have all the support I need to make the change. I just hope I can stick with it and be happier a year from now. I want to be happy and excited for Christmas for my kids. The deserve a happy momma!!

My New Year's Resolutions

I've been thinking a lot about changing things in my life. SO much depressing and bad things have just totally brought me down this year. It's time to get myself out of this FUNK I'm in.

#1 At least every other month, I want to plan a MNO or girls night with my friends. I need more ME time away from the hubs and kiddos. I love them, but I need my friends to keep me sane lol

#2 I want to get a tattoo this year. I've been thinking about it for a couple years now. I'm ready. I finally know what and where I want it! Now I just need to figure out where and how much!

#3 I want to visit and be around family more. We have a lot of family that lives away from us. I'm hoping to be able to travel more to see them. I want my kids to know them!

#4 Work Out More!!! I've been going about 2x a week, when I can. I want to do more and I want to loose 60 pounds!! 

#5 I feel like I have let depression take over my life. I neglect my chores a lot lol  But I want to start being better about it. It makes me stressed out like CRAZY coming home to my messy house. I do what I have to but clutter has taken over. I'm done.  SO pretty much starting ASAP I'm  making a change. I'm in process of cleaning for Christmas guests, so I'm hoping to keep it up.

#6 I need more date nights with the hubs. At least once a month would be AWESOME. 
Maybe on of those date nights will be getting my tattoo 8o)

#7 Being a SAHM to 2 kids and 2 dogs, I have lost a lot of my patience. I pray daily for God to give me more, and I pray this new year will give me lotts of it!!  I need it!!

It SHOULD be the most wonderful time of the year...

SO much bad has happened this year, that it's my first Christmas with my kids that I actually wish it was already over. Since the kids were born I was ALL about decorating, wrapping gifts and all that fun stuff. But this year, its just different. First and mostly, I miss my Granny. She became an angel this past summer and I truly wish she didn't have to leave us. But God had a plan and it was meant to be. But the selfish part of me wants her to be here with us. It's just hard to deal with at time. We have chose to have a "credit free" Christmas this year. That means, no using credit cards to pay for ANYTHING this year. Oh My. It is HARD. I never really noticed how much I used them till you make that choice not to. It will be worth it in the end though. I just can't wait till they are all gone for good and we can STAY out of debt for good! I was watching the Charlie Brown Christmas with the library classes the other day and realized I feel EXACTLY like Charlie Brown. Lucy made a good point about getting involved, but I have NO idea what I would do to be involved. I'm involved in my kids school but not with anything to do for Christmas. I keep having to remind myself about the REAL REASON FOR CHRISTMAS! I'm ready to get rid of our tree and lights on the house. I'm done with it all. Why can't I just enjoy this season? Why can't I just keep all the bad/negative stuff behind me?? The only thing I know to do is Pray. I need God to help me. He's the only person that can really help me. Its just actually taking the time to Pray before I pass out at night or take time during my crazy busy day to just talk to him about whats going on. WHy is that hard to do? Im too much about getting things done, like NOW. I rush and feel crazy if things don't get done with I feel they need to get done. UGH. Theres so much more stuff going on in my head I cant even get it all out. Man I need to blog more. lol